Lara's Journal

She sits in the corner, crying.
Around her, nobody asks why,
That's fine, she has no words to explain.
She sits in her hell,
her ups good
her downs suicidal.
Gutless to do anything drastic, she tries to find escapes.
Why must life be this way?
Why... why is she who she is?
Can't she escape it?
She picks up the knife.
It's clean silver blade reflects her face,
the face thats pale with The face who's darly blackened eyes are hidden of emotion.

One strike
A red line appears on her wrist
Two strikes
A tearing sound, like scissors on a leather couch

Thrird strike, blood litters the floor,
her arm stings
A sting that expresses the otherwise unknown ache in her heart.

Fourth strike
A line of blood splatters the wall
her deep flesh lie open to anything that may roam

Everystrikebecomesdeeper

Deeper because of hope,
Hope one will gash so deep to end the suffering
The suffering bought on unfairly.
The suffering that lay beneath the surface since birth,
The suffering that waited years to show it's strength
So strong it should be the end of her.

Seventh strike

Eight

Nine

She lie a bloody mess of flesh, of blood, of love unknown
A waste of life leaves teh earth
Her savure... five seconds too late,
Stand knocking outside of the door


~ Lara
19th December 2006

Merry Christmas everyone.

Just thought I'd get that in because... you probably won't see me online at all until after Christmas.

one word answers
Y O U ... C A N ... O N L Y ... T Y P E ... O N E ... W O R D !

N O ... E X P L A N A T I O N S !

1. Yourself: Lara
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: wishful
3. Your hair: short
4. Your Mother: kaz
5. Your Father: baz
6. Your Favorite Item: hairpin
7. Your dream last night: *shrug*
8. Your Dream Home: castle
9. The Room You Are In: lounge
10. Favorite colour: blood
11. Your fear: living
12. Where do you want to be in ten years? dead
13. Who you hung out with last night: myself
14. What You're Not: happy
15. Your Best Friend: RAZOR
16. One of Your Wish List Items: kosi
17. Your Gender: female
18. The Last Thing You Did: type
19. What You Are Wearing: black
20. Your Favorite Weather: cold
22. The Last Thing You Ate: pizza
23. Your Life: crap
24. Your Mood: crap
25. Who are you: lara

How emo are you?

Heres the deal... Put an "x" in the box if it is true. Be honest!

[x] I like skinny jeans.
[x] Music is my life.
[x] I write poetry/song lyrics.
[x] My hair covers part of my face.
[ ] I wear band shirts
[ ] I know who Jeffree Star is.
[x] I wear converse.
[ ] I wear vans
[x] i wear black eyeliner
[ ] I have had my lip pierced
[ ] I listen to Saves The Day, Chiodos, Thursday and/or Gym Class Heroes.

total= 6

[ ] I'm in a band...
[ ] My AIM/MSN screen name has an x in it
[x] I understand that My Chemical Romance is not emo.
[x] I also understand that Green Day is not emo.
[x] I know what mosh means.
[x] I sit in corners often.
[x] I dislike MTV.
[x] I take pictures of myself a lot

total= 3

[x] I am lost without an/my iPod/mp3
[x] i know that emo is not just a sterotype
[ ] I have thick rimmed glasses.
[x] I have no issues with bi/gay people
[ ] I hate the president.
[ ] I have/had a mohawk.
[x] I've worn black nail polish
[ ] I hate my mum.
[ ] I hate my dad .
[x] I hate where I live.
[x] Black is a great colour
[x] I cut myself.
total= 7

[x] Right now I am listening to music
[ ] I know what hxc and sxe means.
[ ] Myspace=Love
[x] Hot Topic doesn't scare me
[x] I wear studded belts
[ ] I have had a body part signed by a band.
[ ] I've cried while listening to Dashboard Confessional.
[ ] For Guys: I have kissed another guy.
[ ] For Guys: I have worn girls jeans.
[ ] I have/ had dyed my hair black
[ ] My closet is mostly filled with black or dark clothes.
[x] I cry alot
[x] I write on myself.
[x] I have been called emo before.
[ ] I've done drugs before.
[x] I listen to undiscovered bands

total= 7

Overall total= 23

Times by three and thats how emo you are in % PERCENTAGE!!!

SO FAR IN '06 I HAVE...

[x] broken a promise
[x] made a new friend
[ ] fell in love
[ ] fell out of love
[x] done something you swore never to do
[x] lied
[x] stole
[x] went behind your parents back
[ ] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hidden a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] got arrested
[ ] kissed in the rain
[ ] slept under the stars
[x] gotten in a fight
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[ ] met someone who changed your life
[ ] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[ ] left the country
[ ] almost died
[ ] drank yourself retarded
[ ] lost someone close to you
[ ] been to the hospital
[x] gotten closer to someone
[ ] streaked
[x] cried over someone
[ ] broken up with a gf or bf
[ ] given up something important to you
[ ] talked on the phone all night
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
[ ] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] made a total fool of yourself
[ ] met great people

I feel like such a rejected loser right now.

Sorry dudes, LJ is a fuck so I can't LJ cut.

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 4

( ) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x)50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 8

( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
(X) Scary Movie 2
(X) Scary Movie 3
(X) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 14

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 21

(x) Finding Nemo
(X) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(X)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beggining
(x) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) Suddenly 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 28

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snickt: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(X) KING KONG
Total so far: 33

(X) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(X) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 39

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 42

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 46

(X) Bad Boys
(X) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride (Road kill)
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 52

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 58

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 63

( ) X-Men
( ) X2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 72

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 74

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 80

( ) Baseketball
(x) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 82

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monster inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 84

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
( ) Hook
( ) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 85

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
(x) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 88

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
( ) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
( ) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
( ) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 88

( ) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
(x) team america world police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far:  91


Now Add them up and......

put "I've seen (your total) out of 239 movies" in the subject line and repost it

DUDES, I'm fucking BACK.
FINALLY.

I've got netscape, cos Firefox fucked up... after Wolfie tried to help me fix it  ... lol

Um, so yeah.
Sorry for not every replying to posts, cos like, half of you have friends only haha

Erm yep! Missed a lot.

I agree Nomi, the new LJ thing is cool.

Cya's.

I don't know what I make of life right now. Is it good, or is it bad? I'd definately say bad.
Most of the time, I just want to kill myself. I've said it before, I'll say it again, I find nothing interesting. I don't see what the hell I have to look forward to... geh. It's just, it's really starting to be a hassle to be me, it's so fucking hard!
The only thing stopping me from doing all this is you guys, my friends, my family... I don't want to let you guys down. I know you love me and it'd be an awful slap in the face to just kill myself. I'm not afraid of death, anything is better than constantly feeling this way all the time.
And please, spare me the why questions. I've broken once so far, poor Nayomi copped it. And it was a huge break, congratulations on what one Moni, you really pushed me to that.
I don't have answers.
I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know where it's come from. I don't know what could make it better, what's caused it... I just don't have any answers to why questions.
I'm extremely down on myself lately. I feel like such an outcast. I feel so invisible, I'm sick of people telling me I"m beautiful when I just feel and look to myself, so damn bloody ugly.

But anyway... sorry I haven't updated for ages. Firefox is a fuck and it's gone onto Default user, so I'm not constantly logged in and I have none of my favourites. Geh.

So anyway, today I went to Launceston. Wheee.
It was okay, I woke up at 6 this morning, I watched TV until 9 when I finally got up and started getting ready. We left and went to Eve's, I was pretty happy until mum bought up the face we had to go and see Bailey. Fucking lovely.
So we left, we went to the bank, I saw like... 3 hot guys lol eh anyway lmfao as if they'd even care I existed.
We went to the Petrol Station too, this was when my day really began.
We were sitting there and a Port Dalrymple group of 2 firefighters pulled up... the owner of the BP came out and he was asking the FF guy stuff but I couldn't hear a fucking word b'cos of Eve and Mum fucking talking.
So I copped it on the way up, shit, they just would NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP. I could have killed them both.
We had to take the way around Mount Direction... holy shit, guys... those fires... the smoke. I was glued to my window... I was just transfixed... it was amazing... I really, really want to be a Fire Fighter again... I don't know what it is that draws me so desperately towards it... but... wow.
Eve and Mum were talking so much, so I blocked them the fuck out with loud Used. Meh. Still glued to my window haha

So we went INTO town, ooohhhh... the carrrrsssss... shiiiiiit. I was so distracted by all the SPUNKY GORGEOUS SEXXXXXXED UP CARS I WAS WALKING INTO STUFF! :P
So yeah, then they went away and we went shopping.

*Sigh* we went to Target and we looked at clothes for my leavers and all that crap.
Yep.
So we bought shit and left and then we went to the trophy shop but they fucked upthe trophy so we had to go to Bailey's... and that was shit and fuck and horrible and I could fucking slap him the stupid steelo. Anyway, I got so bored I started studying his deplomas and HE WENT TO MONASH UNIVERSITY O_O;;
Eh, so yeah. Then we left and went back to Mantax HEH guess who I saw?
MICHAEL! Yeeeeh. Him and his smexy car. Wheeee. Him and his crownies (yeah, I know, it's not the right word, but that's what I call them cos I"m already a loser and I couldn't give a fuck what you think or that it's wrong). Hmmm, I mean, yeah, I can understand the fact I see him all around home, cos it's a small town... duuuude, why the same carpark? Why'd he have to hang around for ages? Why'd he have to walk past the car? LOL ... he's got it right though. I'm a loser!!! =D

So we came home. OMG I desperately needed to pee.
On the way home, we got past the Batman Bridge and then, my day was REALLY complete.
We had to stop for the Police, he told us to turn the lights on, not drive above 40 and no over taking.
We drove on... and there was just ALLLLL this smoke... holy shit. The girls started to freak out,... you could barely see anything, and the smoke was a real orange colour... there was flames by the side of the road... if the wind turned and blew really bad, it could have set the car on fire... my heart was RACING and POUNDING so bad... Eve shut her eyes and mum was pretty.. well she was gripping teh wheel I think. I was just... I don't know what I was! Amazed, intregued... transfixed... I was actually really, really calm... I had to comfort the others... I don't think I did much of a good job, but that's cos I'm a stupid idiot... but oh well.
Once again, I was told that you know, well you were in teh back seat and I had to protect you; as another words, you did shit.
Nobody ever believes me about anything.
Well, there's a contribution to the way I feel.
I'M SICK TO DEATH OF HEARING PEOPLE TALK. I JUST WANT TO KILL THEM.

My clothes fucking suck too. Yeah, it looks nice, but I ain't fucking wearing it. I feel so uncomfortable in girly shit. Get fucked. Jeans and a shirt, is what I'm doing. Just get new jeans, that's all :) oh well.
So yeah, mum and Eve were bloody poking and prodding me and I could have killed them.
I've got all these marks up my left arm so I guess I should get a long sleeve shirt if i can. Or wear a jacket... I don't know, but seriously... not being able to do what I like to do is making this all worse.
It's my release, I love it... it calms me, but noo. I have to put up with it, woohoo.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In September I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In June I turned clairebear_nz in for tearing the tag off a mattress (3 points). In August I helped mizuki_love hide a body (-173 points). In November I helped raynis see the light (8 points). In March I caught a purse-snatcher who stole kaedric's purse (30 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-832 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! </lj></lj></lj></lj> Sincerely, unwritten_lara

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

I'm very tired lol and no wonder :P

Okay, so I went to bed last night and could not have thought any worse of myself. I could have wripped myself to pieces. I'm so ugly :( :(
I drew some stuff, most of it ended up screwed up on the bottom of my floor. I have pictures to prove :) I ended up keeping two pictures, and didn't go to sleep until about 2. I texted Myst, who nearly fell asleep on me. Then I texted Nayomi, who I abandoned lol
I went to sleep and woke up at like, eleven. I got a message from Wolfie this morning asking if I was going to the parade, which I was not. I was offered a lift but missed out, don't think I really care though.
So I did my make up, got dressed and all that anyway. Checked the internet, posted on a few things, read some others. Talked to Fiona and then left.
I went down Friend Street and then down the main street, dropped off the videos and then went down near Woolworths, sat on a log. I didn't really feel like a smoke, but I had one anyway. Lol, I started walking with it, which I don't do. I can't walk and smoke. I sit and smoke. Probably worse?
Ah, anyway.
I was walking along, the tide was half way out... haha, so I walked pretty close to the actual water. If I think about it, the tide was actually coming in. Ahaha, hmm, cuz, the mud was soggy, and pretty water drenched... and I was walking calmly through it, thinking, wheeee, how cool... and... then I looked ahead and thought, yes, it ends soon. But it didn't. So, stupidly, I ran. And nearly ended up knee deep in the fucking stuff. It went all up my legs, it sunk into my holey shoes, my shoes are now brown...  my socks fucking copped it, they're even worse, and I have sad be tween my toes. I smell like the river and I really need a shower.

Started walking along the main road into this town, heading for Oma's LOL until Nayomi told me she was actually home, so I tried to cross the road, but there was traffic everywhere >_> so, I thought, ah fuck, I'm guna have to like... go all the way back and under the bridge and along the other side. Thankfully, there was a break and I got away.
So I walked all the way up to Moni's street, oh god... talk about a good work out. I must be getting so fit, I hardly hurt anymore XD
So I went to Moni's, and LMAO, her mum said I look different o.o;;; she didn't RECOGNISE ME!!!! I didn't think I'd changed myself THAT much o.o""
So I sat on Moni's bed, thankfully my ass wasn't dirrty... and I looked through her Dolly magazines, wishing I looked like half the people in them, because I'm ugly. And, we bitched about Cassy from H&A cuz she wears too much fake tan, lol, which reminded me of Nieka.
And then we spoke about MARTHA, MARTHA MONI, MARTHA MARTHA MARTHA, and her horrible mouth... and her dumb name XD
LOL Moni was saying how her fluff was all crumpled, so I told her to put it under a stack of books. So we did.
Then she got me a drink of milk, and I skulled it o.o; cuz I'm so cool. She wanted to give me Alcohol LMAO
Then she went and stole Zac, so we were walkin down her street, and I was like, guna have a smoke and she's like NOOOOOO NOT YEEET O___O PEOPLE WILL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *SQUEAL*
So I did it in the Strand instead o.O; WE SAW DUCKS. THE DUCKS WAS SWUABBLING O.O; SO KAWAII. I wanted to pic kit up. Wish I had my sucky camera to take a pic of themfhasljfkhyalfjfaskdldf OMG GGGGGG I JUST RELISE WHAT SONG IS PLAYING O______________________________________________________________________________________________O

I know where the sexy sexy sexy sexy ute lives now!!! O________O
Anyway, so I tried walking and smoking and I failed so I butted it on a tree and put it back in my pocket.
Momo smacked my ass XD XD AND SHE TRIED TO TRICK ME INTO WALKING DOWN A WRONG ROAD >___>
I knicked her hair pin :P
So then we went to Chris' and I got a coke, and Moni had most of it first, and then I lit up the other half of my smoke, and melted the little things off the hairpin, so I can do stuff with it. She tried to grab it back but I'm too fast for her (a)
I checked my phone and had messages from Eve and Mum XD they were like, WHERE ARE YOU?
And I'm like, I'm on my way home, are you angry mum? And she's like, nuoooo, I'm... just concerned.
Which was cool. So Moni and I departed, and I drank the rest of my coke... and... I put it in the trash can, because that's what you do *nod* and... I went to the vid store to see if they had Pirates two, so we could all watch it, but it wasn't there :( so I went home :P I wasn't sure whether to go to Eve's or home, cuz I remembered Eve saying we should go to her place for tea this week, but apparently that's not happening anymore XD so they were all here.
I stashed my smokes back in my hiding spot LOL
Mum was like, "why are you dirty?" so I had to explain. She wasn't angry that we "met at Chris'" that's what I told her o.o; cuz I bet she WOULD be pissed that I went all the way over to Moni's LOL XD I'm so REBALLY O_O_O_O_O
And no, people, I am not hyper. Nayomi was off her face though. Well, not really. But she was a lot happier than I.
Everybody is a lot happier than I :P
We're still meeeting tomorrow though HEHE
That's my day.
I smell like the river. I have sand between my toes, and I need a shower.

Joey xox

Sadly...

My heart is still beating.

I'M SO FUCKING ITCHY *SCRATCHESHERSELFTOPIECES* ARGH >_____>

ANYWAY. *SCRATCH* Hello XD

I'm Lara, how're you?
OMG Joey's off her face tonight *ROLLS EYES* ARGH. EEEEEEEEE. PSHT. FWWWWOT. WHEEEE. ARMMMMMBLERUMBLERUBML(A)EGROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. o.o;

So I woke up this morning, to my alarm. And a very funny dream that had Lauren in it XD LMAO. So weird
I didn't get out of bed until an hour and a half later. I had to sit up in bed so I didn't go back to sleep XD lol
So I got up and wet down my fringe again, and blow dried it out. I so need a shower XD anyway, then I realised, well, fuck, you haven't done your cream or shit >_> so I put that on... lol, and then we went to Eve's (that's me and mummmmm) and... she did the washing up and I tormented the cat XD then we went down the street. And we parked near Anette Lucas'.
We walked up to Freddies and then to Patches and then to Chickenfeed. We got to the checkout and I'm thinking, "I want a smoke" (it's been... what? ...Um... over a week since my last one???) so I was like, hey mum get us some juicey fruit. She's like, you should get extra it's better for your teeth, it cleans it. I go, well get some of that, she goes we have some at home... I'm like, I want some now, so she got it for me (a).
Mum and Eve went to Woolworths and I took their stuff back to the car. I got into the front and took a smoke from mum's case and lit it, OMG, I was bent too low and nearly set fire to Eve's jacket *shifty eyes* I'm still trying to get used to it XD so I got out, the fuckign thing went out. Got back in, lit, got out, went out. Got it on the third go!
Locked the car and took off, went down by the water and sat on a log. OMG, such a thrill, I could easily have gotten busted considering, as it turns out, they went to Lily White's first!!! o___o
So I smoked my smoke and MSGed Nayomi XD LOL
Then I got my chewy and had some... my pockets for so full, keys (mum's keys are so chunky too), an iPod, a phone and chewy >_>
So yep, walked along the bloody... water... I kinda hurried the smoke though, I didn't take my time like I should have. LMAO, hmm.
Anywyyyy. I went into Woolies to Eve and Mum, and mum's like, "give me a kiss" so I did :P and, yeah, she didn't notice a thing ;) so there ya go, I am the master of disguise, considering I've never done any of this sorta shit before.

Went left, took our stuff back to the car... I took the trolley back and mum walked up to Aussie Discount. Um, eve came out, so I held the trolley outside while they got their meat :P we went back to the car, then came homerrrsssss.
I fucked around for a bit and then I went for a walk too, hanging out for another smoke.
Only thing was, I'd swapped my lighter for, another one. A yellow one. And the yellow one didn't work. Grrr. So, I was around the same spot as I'd had the first one that morning.
Hoofed it all the way back home.
They'd gone.
Walked to Eve's.
Weren't there.
Walked up along sorrell street, LMAO, the lighter worked >_> so I got up near the dentists, headed for the library (i said i was going there for deltora quest books, as a reason to get out and have a walk), tried to light hte smoke, lighter wuldn't work again >_>
So i gave up, went to the library, couldn't find Deltora quest. OMG they've changed the whole library around XD shows how much i go in there. think i need to renew my card, but i didn't get anything so i ddnt end up. OMG I FOUND THIS GORGEOUS TIGEY BOOK, BUT MY BAG WASN'T BIG ENOUGH TO CARRY IT >___> XD so i'll have to get it another time. SUCH GORGEOUS PICS.
I walked, down near the pier, and along the logs again, TRIED AGAIN with the smoke, but gave up for good this time. Walked past wooleys and half way down the street then turned and went alone anne street and then down sorrell again, into davies and went to eeve's, where mum was.
Hitched a ride back down the street with her and then home XD swapped my lighter! Got a red one now! And I got another smoke.
Ooooo, I was going to have a shower when I got home, but I didn't :P
So, I watched my movie from um, Sunday night instead, and... then The OC and then I went outside and had half of one of my smokes. I hid around by the fence against the supermarket. Cuz unless someone actually sticks their head out the window and looks down, they can't see me (A) I'm so surprised how good I am at hiding all this stuff ^_^
So yep, had my smoke, nearly killed myself XD lol then came back inside and had tea, watched Neighbours on TDT which SUCKS and then watched home and away and came online!
OMG I GET TO SEE MOMO ON SUNDAY ^_______^ XD <3 I'll meet up with her in the arvo I guess :P can't be too late, though, Momo, or Mum'll have a fit >_>

Anyway, YEP. Might go for another walk tomorrow, we'll see what the day brings.
I stole one of Dad's smokes too!!! =O ...can't wait to try it hahaha.

Cheers,
JoJo xx

My nose is numb. So is my mouth. My mouth is the reason my nose is numb. I had a needle. I didn't see it thought, because I had my eyes very tightly closed. Seriously, it's like I've been punched in the face. I was at the dentist, you see. Had to have a filling in the hole in my tooth. Yeahhhhh. I gotta go back Wednesday to smooth it over more and to look at my front tooth cap.
Hmm, so yes. I got up at tennnnnn. Had a shower, fucked up my fringe lol not to be expected. I washed off the pentegram on my arm :( oh well. I'll draw something new soon.
So anyway, went to the dentist at 11... they had a look around and Sue as like, yeeeeeesss, gotta numb you for that. So she put this gel stuff in there... and that numbed it a bit... very quickly, too, I was pretty tingly. I swallowed and my tongue brushed it too, eh... so that was all tingly too. Anyway, then she got the needle... ah fuck, I tensed so bad. And swore, lol... she was talking to me the whole time though... so that was ok. Mum gripped my leg, and I was gripping my own arms... eeee, it was a weird feeling to explain... sorta... stung, piercing... hmmm. I guess that was just piercing the skin... and she took it really slow and everything... it swoll up really quick, and... got fat and seriously numb... then Anne started talking about her horses, whih was awesome. She's bought two new ones, a TB called JB and an appolosa that's, in her words, 'built like the side of a brick shithouse.' and he has no spots hehehe
I wonder if she'd teach me to ride...
Ahhhh, this movie has Lena Olin in it =D (For those of you who don't know, that's Sydney Bristow's mother in Alias)
So anyway, it was so weird at the dentist, i couldn't feel a thing but she had the grinder and stuff out... and I could see whispers of my tooth but I couldn't feel anything :) so, yep. I got to rinse my mouth out a few times, I kept dribbling lol... then I got up and... I've got a crooked smile right now :P cuz the left side of my mouth is droopy. It'll wear off soon. And if my face aches, I have to take panadol... thankfully I didn't go somewhere today, eh Myst? *Nudgenudge* might've been a bit embarrassing XD XD
I'm getting better at this keyboard now!!!! My teeth feel really really really weirddddddd like they're going to break... eh.
That's all the update for now. Nobody's online to talk to, i feel lonely. I guess I'll just go back to this movie >_<
Cyas.

I haven't done much today... hmmm, um, my head hurts lol

I went to bed at midnight last night, lmfao. Myst left me at quater to eleven, Wolfie went AT eleven and so I started talking to Lauren for an hour. In the end, after walking my ass off most of the day and being an idiot, I... was tired so I left, after nearly falling asleep on the keyboard.
However when I got to bed, as usual, I didn't feel tired, so I watched the start of Scary Movie 4, and nearly fell out of bed with laughter... then I turned it off thinking, 'yes, I feel tired.' but only to have my head swimming with thoughts and not get to sleep until about 2.40.

I woke up at 11, lol, and... just... I HEARD THUNDER O___O;;; STORMY. THUNDER GO BOOM RUMBLE RUMBLE XD
Eh, yes, so I started watching the end of Scary Movie 4, not as good as teh start :P then I watched... uh, Just Married, Twister, HP3 and now I'm watching Gone In 60 Seconds. But I don't think I'll get it all watched. Mmmm, I just love the part with Eleanor! =D damn sexy car. I've come to the conclusion that Nicholas Cage is hot o.O;

Er, yes... there's a movie on at 8.30 that looks good, so I'll be watching that.
OMG... I'VE GOT LIKE NOTHING TO DO ALL WEEK. EEEEE. WHAT THE HELL AM I GUNA GET UP TO? O__O HEHEHEHEHEHE (6)
Anywayzzzzzzzzzzz. Erm, *head goes pound* I'm not really hyper, dudes and dudettes. I just appear to be acting like it. *nod*
I have to at least watch or tape Last Man Standing this week. I love that show. It's like the male version of Sex and the City. I might ask mum for it on DVD lol
I've spent ALL day in bed o.o; and I broke the toilet paper holder hehe

Au Revior/Auf Wiedersehen XD

Lara xox

First things first. RIP to Belinda :( poor Rove... and, poor family. I'd not like to think what it must be like to be with a person you love when they pass away and it's got to be awful for her parents to have outlived their daughter :( may she rest in peace. <3


Anyway, hihiii..

Today was... er, interesting o.o; I didn't get woken up by my mother. I woke up by my alarm at 8.30 and proceeded to lie there and close my eyes again, eh. I fell asleep and woke up and hour later >_>
Got up and had a shower, and, there was this daddy long legs in the shower and he was like, coming for me, so I was like, trying to wash my hair while keeping an eye on this stupd bloody spider at teh same time *shifty eyes* got out as fast as I could, let me tell you XD then he must have fallen o.o;;; wonder where he is now?

I blowdried my fringe and it looked good but I think I still have a little bit to work on, it's dropped and gone flat now >_> another shower in the morning, people!
Hung around and went online, then got a phone call from a telemarketer personness. I don't know what she was, but she had a funny accent.
Me: hellooo?
Her: would you like to participate in a 40 second survey?
Me: eh, why not.
Her: okay, this is a holiday survey, when was your last holiday?
Me: too long ago to remember.
Her: okay... too long ago to remember. And where is your ultimate destination for a vacation?
Me: Miami.
Her: what?
Me: MIAMI FLORIDA
Her: okay... Miami Florida (she said it so weird, it was cute XD)
Then she goes, um.. who would you take?
Me: my whole family, probably.
Her: okay, and you have a husband?
Me: *SNORTS* no.
Her: boyfriend?
Me: NUP XD I'd probably take my mum.
Her: okay, what's your name?
Me: Lara o.o;
She SAID MY NAME SO CUTE
Her: Lara... and are you between 18 and 26 or-
Me: I'm 16 XD *trying not to laugh*
Her: oh, well... you have to be between 18 and 26. So... are your parents home?
Me: nup. (Liar, mum was home, but she wouldn't have wanted to know about it)
She goes, okay so I'll call back another time when they might be. I'm like, right, yep, you do that love *HANGS UP* at least she was nice :) and not indian. She was easy to understand. Reminded me of Aunty Linda a little. heheheheehe. wish i could remember Aunty Linda properly... hmmm.

Anyway, then mum and I went down teh street. *COUGHNUDGESMYST* XD HEEEEEHEHEHE I love doing that right now lol saying Myst, I started msging her while mum was in Woolies and I sat out in front of Aussie Discount lol... hmmmmmmmmmm... so, yep. The nice boy at Aussie Discount smile and waved at me while he was having a smoke hehe
We went home, and... erm, yep. I packed my bag and went for a walk.
I took pictures of gollas and crab shells and water o.O; and trees o.o; and more water. and more trees o.o; this was at teh momument. I was going to go down and do art, but didn't o.o;; I was going to write too, but, yep, none of that happened either o.o;
Didn't see Dal boy skinny loser today!!! =D
Ermmm... I walked my legs off to the Pony Club, msging Myst still XD I smoked the first smoke I nicked. LOL It was all bent and stupid and I tried to smoke it at the monument, but couldn't get it lit... and then yep. So I went to the pony club and went near the cycling bit, but i couldn't get it done so I had to go down by the canteen at the PC.
Eh, it was sooo weird. I choked a fair bit. It tasted kinda bitter... It felt weird to be walking around smoking, I felt like such a rebel. It was awesome.
I was, of course, stocked up before I went home. I had drink and food and chewing gum to hide teh fact I'd been smoking XD I only had one!!!
Trick is guys, try not to take a puff and then open your mouth and breathe, too. Cuz you... nearly knock your head off.
Nicotene is... a very strange thing. Yes, the fact my first smoke was a Peter Jackson SUPER MILD, perhaps wasn't such a great idea o.O; but hey, gotta get what you can, yes?
I could still taste it after I'd put it out, and for a few seconds after I'd started chewing my gum, like, on the back of my tongue. Hmmm. It wasn't bad or anything... at first my will power was pretty good... I was like "don't do it" but then I thought, "fuck it." and a few times I was like, "what if I'm one of those people who so much as has one and they die???" O___O but then I was like, if that was teh case my whole family couldn't smoke. They say second hand smoke is worse for you. CRAP SAYS I. Ain't done shit to me and I've lived with it since I was little. Oh, but I'm sure quite a lot of you have different to say about that one.
Still got another one, and a lighter stocked up :) at least I know how to do it when the need rises next time! I won't be a total retard.
Don't think I'll be addicted. Naaah. Just be a social smoker. OOOOO, Luke Ball'd hate me. HEH. Stupid fucking idiot >_>
Anyway... yep, I came home, still msging XD
I uploaded my pictures and, then went to my room and read.
Oooooo, chicken for teeeaaaaa and spare ribs and chips.
Eh, I feel like another smoke :) good thing about me is I do have pretty good self control. Just not emotional or temper wise :P
Um... OH Eve bought me this thing for my phone... like a dangly thing and it's god this chick on it and it says "text maniac' XD XD so I put it on my phone... eee, it's so cool LOL XD cuz MY st Kilda emblum kept falling off so I had to take it off before I lost it :(

Cya's!

Lara xox

PS THANKS AGAIN FOR GETTING ME OBSESSED WITH MUSE, MYSTIIIIIII <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Well, hello...

I finally answered the call from Barry today. Lol, um, he was just saying about, y'know, they'll start marking on Monday so I have to send all my work back today, finished or not!!!!! Hehehe! I'm off. I'm free! EEEE! Oh wait, the rest of yas aren't, are ya? Hehe. Mean Lara *slaps*
Anyway Barry was all like, I've been trying to call and I'm all like, I've been busy and he's all like, I've been sick so I wasn't travelling but John was up and he called around but you weren't home and I'm thinking, SCOREEEEEE. Hehe. Lol.
Anyway, yes, so I'm quickly finishing off my maths and... I just did a whole heap quote rounding-ups for my learning journal, which I also have to mail off. Fuck it, I was going to do poems and art tomorrow when I go out, but now I'll be sending it all back. Bugger.
Only thing I'll keep doing now is German on Tuesdays, wow... how weird lol I'll finish reading Harry and go on lots of walks and finally end up reading Where To Park Your Broomstick.
Can you believe it, Lara's probably going to pass year 10! Wow, it's sorta exciting... omg, I'm feeling something... wow o_o;;

I'm going down the street soon. Awww, I'll buy biscuits for tomorrow. Eee, I ate a pie a minute ago. I'm a messy eater, I got pastry everywhere. I could never be anarexic, I love food too much <3 hehe

I'm really, really looking forward to tomorrow.
That's all for now... I think.
I might put something else on my forearm tonight, dunno what though, hehe. Will take pics if it turns out ok.

Lara xx

I wish I knew who I was. What was my calling. What I was here to actually do or if I'm just one of those mere existances that doesn't really have a purpose.
I'm starting to believe that I'm one of those people you read in the books, the ones you seen on the movies, the ones that really do just feel lonely no matter what, who throw out all the love given to them, who turn to the wild side.
It crossed my mind that I could really be one of those people who's commited suicide and people are just baffled. But she was such a happy, bubbly person. Yeah, on the outside.
Thing is, I do want to live.
Life might be boring, life might be dull, I find nothing exciting and I don't see what I have to look forward to, my imagination is shot to pieces and what I want I can't ever have... but I still keep hanging on.

For all the bravardo that I rave on about, for all the tormenting I do to my friends, I really am just a gutless fake.
Nobody's around me right now to see the changes. And if you were around me you probably wouldn't see the changes anyway. I've become very good at hiding things. You might read this and realise, that, y'know, I'm having a shit time... but if you looked at me and you hadn't read this, I doubt you'd realise what was going on inside of me.

The thought to completely turn my life around has crossed my mind, and I know I could do it.
I nicked a smoke from mum's packet yesterday, now all I need is a lighter, and old empty packet and to steadily but slowly steal more.
If I really wanted to, I could walk out this door. I could shut out all the cries of 'no, you get back here!'. It wouldn't be hard to shake off the guilt, once you've cut yourself off you're out.
I could turn into one of the girls in the movies.
Blood, sex, alcohol, drugs, parties, cars, complete strangers. Dark make up and g-strings showing up over the top of your jeans.
Wouldn't be hard at all. And quite tempting, I'll add. I'd lose a lot and gain little but it might still be something exciting to finally throw into this bland mix of what I currently call a life I'm living.

It seems everybody's got something better to do right now. Oh yes, their life is full of something... they have friends they want to be around, but I don't. Not that I don't have the friends (comes as a surprise, yes?) but I just don't want to be around yas. Or maybe I do? I know I definately want to be around one person the most... argh. I just feel unwanted, to be perfectly honest. You want someone to say the right thing but you don't even know what the right thing is. It seems everybody else is happy with what they get, but you're still stuck there with a gaping hole in your heart just bleeeeeeeeeeeeeding for teh right words to heal the wound.
I could be around ya's... and act like nothing's wrong, but I'm happier on my own. Moping in my own self pity and thinking about stuff I shouldn't.
You're far better hanging around with your other friends, I'm not worth your time. And I damn well mean that.

I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm going to pack a bag and go to my spot. Take a book to write or draw, some food maybe, a drink, maybe a few other things and just, really have some time to myself. And probably get called a loser again. But who cares? I know I'm a loser so maybe that's why it didn't hurt the first time.

*Sigh* I've got absolutely no direction. I don't know where I'm going, what I want to do, if I even have a future... honestly, if I died tomorrow b'cuz I got hit by a car, at least it'd be something exciting happened to me.
OMG THERE'S A CAR COMING TOWARDS ME *SQUISH* EEEEEEEE I'M DEAD X___X *GOES TO HELL*

Unless you can really comment something meaningful that's going to make me feel better *holds breath and dies* don't bother commenting
Are you worried yet?

I'm going to attempt to write about my day without complaining.

Today, I got woken up at 10.30 by my mother, who then went down the street and I had to get ready to go down to Eve's.
So I got up, grabbed my clothes, checked the internet, lmfao, what a waste of time.
Went to the bathroom, ignoring the fact my teacher was calling, heh, he called yesterday too, apparently. *ANGEL* I'd just woken up, I wasn't going to be bothered listening to him WAFFLE ON AND ON about shit I didn't care about when I barely care about myself.
So I brushed my hair and teeth and stuff and all that and got dressed. Eh. Then mum came back and I was on the comp again (still a ljdfhvadkf waste of time) and then we left.
I got my English finished today and then I've got like two things left to do on my maths... um... I'll do that in the morning, cuz mum's going down the street. Not sure if I'll go or not. I know I'll be steering well clear of one place hehe

I plan on going for a big walk again on Saturday. Go to my spot and have a think.. maybe do some writing. I'll take a bag this time. Ehh.
Wheeeeee. It was okay last time, except for being called a loser.
Umm... so yep.

God I feel like shit right now. I don't know whether I want to be nasty, throw stuff or cry.
My heart feels like it's bleeding. Seriously, it does.